Talk:Barren/@comment-44449110-20191202185742
This character sounded pretty interesting but there are some errors that I would like to inform you about. I will explain it in my own opinion 1) Catchphrases: Instead of putting “'catchphrase #1'”, “'catchphrase #2'” and “'catchphrase #3'” Can you at least try to put a little details of WHEN she said that? Because some of the creators would always put some details of when their characters say their catchphrase. It doesn’t have to be a WHOLE sentence just the part of when they used it. I can only see one catchphrase has been use in the story and I could also see WHEN she said that as well which “Bye Bye Moses…” But for the other two, I don’t see it. And it’ll confused the readers of why she said those quotes or when did she ever said that. 2) Origin: The origin of her story is alright and quite interesting but I couldn’t help but to notice about some errors of your spellings, punctuations and grammars. Like, the word “''woman’s” the actual correct spelling is “women’s” So try to recheck on your spellings. And I also seem to notice of the BIG words you use like the word 'Infanticide,' 'fertility, etc. Make sure to look it up if the definition is correct before using it and see if it makes sense in the sentences. 3) '''Info: The info is alright but I can’t stop shaking the feeling about her husband not telling of what she did. I mean, like I said before about my own opinion, it’s kind of selfish and stupid that I thought the husband would make a right choice. The way I’m reading this character’s story and I see the husband in the scene I thought he might be a smart and nice kind of husband which I thought he should know what to do and just called someone of what she had done. Every couples or married couples have to make some sacrifices for they know of what is best for their partner. ' ' 4) Templates: Now, for the picture that were on the template. It doesn’t look like an actual killer for I don’t ACTUALLY see it. I may not be an artist but I have seen other creators drawing their characters. So the advice that I should give you is that you should make this character look like an ACTUAL killer since some of the creators had put some insane looks or color some blood or let their character have a weapon. That’ll make your character look like a killer instead of making it look innocent. ' ' That’s all I could tell you about your character’s story but there is ONE question that I would like to ask. Where did she get the name “''Barren” from? Because I don’t see anything that explanations of why she named herself that. Every creator should know that when they named their characters they have to explain why they called them that. Like, for an example “Eyeless Jack” because he has NO eyes or “Ticci-Toby” because his body twitched or tics a lot or “Jeff the Killer''” because he’s a psychotic killer. Something like that but if you can’t find a good killer name then just stick with her original name. Even other creators had used the original names for their characters. Like for an example, Sally, Lazari, Lulu etc. All those names can be like that but naming the character that has no meaning to it. That would make the readers confused if they don’t understand the MEANING of her names. Don’t get me wrong, I am interests of your characters but it needs some adjustments. So, I hope you have a splendid morning/afternoon/evening/night! - SamoanaGirl101